Sticks and Stones WWJu Do?

For the last several weeks, I have been in a situation with a person who is dealing what I am seeing as emotional bondage/hostage situations with her partner. Said partner has huge issues related to being an adult VICTIM of child abuse. He is not yet a survivor as he's not faced his issues.

Dude has the most amazing lack of control over his rage. No, he doesn't hit.. but he does hit below the proverbial belt. But, boy oh boy, confront him with your perceptions of his behaviors and watch the fury fly. four times he called me screaming and I told him I would not talk with him while he was screaming and talking over me.. and then hung up.. the fifth call he started out talking for about ten seconds... then of course.. the rage took over. I just let him rant and rave about how stupid I was and how I was putting my emotional issues on him blah blah blah.. you are soooo wrong and soooo stupid .. etc. But with much more volume and hatred. Ok.. whatever floats your boat.. you just confirmed my assumptions of you though.

Over the last few months he's told her that "He can't stand to look at her." "it's her depression that's pushing him away" "she's a lousy mother' "I'm going to kill myself' 'I don't need therapy cuz I can out psychology any psychologist' ... and others. Then he puts the blame for one of his rages on someone else.. it's all just psychodrama.

What's your point then Sam? Why do people choose to stay and endure this behavior. I can freely admit that I was one of them for 8 long miserable years... except mine got physically violent and my life was threatened not once but several times.. if I said no, then I got non-violently raped anyway. Not just physically but emotionally.

Bruises fade and pain goes away.. but the emotional scars.. wow.. those can be doped up and painted over, but they are never really gone. So why do people choose to stay in these sorts of situtations?

Usually, the first excuse is that they believe that they are in some way responsible for this person's behavior. They had it coming.. they did something that hurt the other person and he/she is reacting rationally. (so NOT) Many have victim complexes to start with because they suffered being abused as children in one form or another. Some have social or financial issues that they have to consider .. they have no support network because the abuser has pushed everyone so far away, they may not have income or means to support themselves. They don't know about social programs in the community.. (though I can tell you that sometimes those do more harm than good) But mostly they excuse the abuser's behavior by figuring out how it was that they deserved what they got. It was all their fault.

Friends of the victim can try to help, but let me tell you that it usually backfires and you lose a friend. It becomes your fault for pushing them to be stronger. That's just a sad fact of the situation. Don't let that stop you, however, from making the attempt. Maybe, just maybe, what you have said will open their eyes just a touch and they will slowly realize that they really are perpetuating the behavior by making excuses. Sadly, not always.

I don't have any real resolution to this issue.. just what I have learned in a lifetime of dealing with abuse and abusive situations.

One thing I would like to pass on to everyone.. the word passion is overused and misused. Passion means to feel strongly about a thing, situation or belief. Passion is not rage. Rage is a whole other animal.

So, what would you do?

History In the Making

Last night, the world saw a young man make Olympic history. A moment that will long be remembered.

For me though, it wasn't just the feat of strength, endurance and speed that make Michael Phelps a true champion. It's not just that he won every race he entered. Not the 7 world records and 1 Olympic record that he redefined. It's not the media hype he has received. For me, it was that moment when, having become the first Olympic athlete to win 8 gold medals in one Olympics and having won more gold medals in his Olympic career, being questioned on how he did it all, Michael said, "Without these guys (indicating his teammates) it would not have happened."

That one defining moment when he showed the world that not all American athletes are self-absorbed assholes.

Dara Tores, a 41 year old Olympic swimmer, also from the good ol' US of A, made sure that a race was stopped to wait for one of her competitors to change out of a torn swimsuit. That's right, she made sure one of her competitors got her Olympic moment.

Sure, there were other medalists, other great moments in Olympic history... American and otherwise, which were probably amazing for one reason or another. But, in my opinion, these two "ugly americans' are two of the greatest athletes in the 2008 Summer Olympics, so far. Perhaps 2 of the greatest of all time. Why? Not just because they swam their little hearts out, but because they personified what the Olympics should be about, sportsmanship.

Fields of Diamonds

I'm not overly fond of Diamonds.. but I like the analogy. You are standing, right now, in your field of diamonds.. yeah not the exact quote.. but close enuff for gubmint work.

It's been a long damned month hasn't it? Hot, smoky, miserable.. having relapses of some of my infections.. yippee... having discourse with a DA's office that thinks I should pay for the privelege of not being able to see my children out of fear of their paternal. I kinda got dragged down a bit.

Still haven't photo'd and got the paintings up for sale yet.. sigh.. no time for procrastination like the present.. unless it's tomorrow.

But I should be counting my blessings instead of bitching about all the crap that's been floating down around me.

I got to go to a gathering of Faeries just recently.. Faerieworlds. Wow.. just wow overload.

I've never seen a crowd of people like this in my life. I've seen a lot of crowds that were rowdy and out of control... this one was rowdy and totally cool. Not one single fight in .. hmm what was it.. 11 hours? I ended up sitting in the shade for most of the day just watching people go by cuz I'm not feeling 100% yet.. Ok I'm not even feeling 75% right now. Anyway.. it was amazing.

I'm already making plans for next years event. I wish the real world worked that smoothly together. I really do. Bigguns, liluns, tall, short, old, young all of em dancing and carrying on together and, from what I could see, all having a great time!
http://s49.photobucket.com/albums/f271/charmzpix/Faerieworlds%202008/
Rather than try to post a bunch of pictures.. I'm just gonna link you up..

Thoroughly Satiated Nacho

Sounds like I had a good time or ate a whole lot of something don't it? Well, I did have a good time but I bet it's not what you were thinking.

I spent the day listening to a band called Woodland, the album is called Twilight. Just freaking WOW! So wow, in fact, that I was inspired to paint.. and what a painting.. but then I wasn't satisfied to just leave it at that.. ohh nooooo... I got those glass jewel thingies that you see in flower arrangements and sometimes aquariums? yeah those dealies. I glued em all around the outside edges of the main subject of the painting like a brilliant flashy frame. I'm sooooo in love. I'll take and post a pic when it's dry in the morning.

Hopefully by Sunday I will have four finished artworks to sell on Ebay. Gonna start the bidding kinda low, $75 for 16x20 canvases.. except this latest one cuz in honesty? I don't wanna get rid of it.. but I will if they wanna pay what I want for it. It's going up for $150 min bid. All of it is, of course, Pagan inspired art. Prolly because I'm a Pagan inspired me.

Right well... I'm jazzed.. off to watch porn.

Thank Heaven 4 Little Girls

I've noticed something, recently, little kids love me. I think it's because we are on the same wavelength. I just wanna play too! Probably because I'm willing to, no matter how serious the class is that we are having, drop it and play with the kids for a while. Kids are more important than any old class.

I miss my kids.

I want grandbabies. I hear they are much more fun than kids of your own. You get to spoil em rotten and send em home. Buy all the really cool loud toys that you would have killed people for giving to your own children.. and send em home! I think that's the whole thing.. you get to send them home!

For some reason, today, I feel really low. Not depressed just .. hmm more like suppressed.. like I just don't have the energy to get moving. Eh anyway that's today, tomorrow is a different day.

Brought the newbs through their very first circle cast. Kim had a gratifying reaction to casting.. she felt all tingly and her hair stood up. Heh.. it's always good for them to feel and know that they aren't just playing pretend.

I want a nap... lil late for that right now so I'll settle for early bedtime. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Tomorrow is going to be crazy...gotta do laundry and find the rest of the living room under all that junk. Find a place to put the big fountain where it won't be full of doggy tail all the time.. yeah.. busy day.

Martian Child... if you haven't seen it... do.

Phail!!!@!

I must have flunked girl while growing up. I suck so very badly at all the womanly things. Well, ok I can cook and I can cook really well... but everything else? So not. I'm a horrible housekeeper. I just don't have the desire to get it done. I absolutely abhor doing dishes.. it's like what my idea of hell would be if I believed in hell.. a never ending pile of nasty dishes and icky soap water. In the immortal words of Captain James Tiberius Kirk... "There's got to be...... .... ..... a better way!"



Don't get me wrong, except for one week every month I don't find being female repulsive. I just don't get the whole gender role bit. All in all, I'd rather be slaying dragons.



I am in awe, yes, you heard me correctly, I said AWE of anyone who can fold a fitted sheet so that it looks nice lying there. I don't fold them... I sort of wad them up and hope that no one ever looks.



I'd love to live in a nice, clean, magazine page type home, but I'm aware of my limitations.. until I can afford a daily maid? It's not going to happen.



Has anyone seen my keys?

Fiction? Fact? Which is more real?

Back when I was teaching Witchcraft 101 to a group of which I used to be part, unfortunately all of my 'student's' thought they already knew all that stuff and really didn't need what I was teaching. It was just a required course to get to Priest/ess grade. I would use different texts as part of my teachings. One particular text is the 21 Lessons of Merlin by Douglas Monroe.

Now, obviously, no one has anything written by or sanctioned by Merlin.. right? I mean, come on.. if Merlin existed at all it was so long ago that any direct access to his work is lost. The 21 Lessons is a work of fiction. Mr. Monroe never makes any bones about it being something written by or written about the teachings of.. Merlin the Sorcerer. It's a teaching tool using parables to teach an idea. (Yeah, I know, this looks like a tangent but I swear I'll get to the point eventually.) It's a group of meditations on WWMD. (what would Merlin do?)

So, one of my students who is a self-proclaimed priestess by dint of having started a group, but completely untrained in the ways of the wise.. hell I'm not even sure how many books she's read because she didn't even have an inkling of how to raise energy.. tells me, "I object to using this as part of our training because it's a complete work of fiction.".

Uh.. Hello? I don't know anyone who has a direct line of witchcraft from the old days except maybe Streghans and some Greek forms of witchcraft.. maybe Gypsy.. anyway.. as far as what we now conceptualize as the 'old' religion is entirely a work of fiction. So, if this work of fiction has no bearing on what witchcraft is or should be.. how does Gerald Gardner, Alastair Crowley, Ray Buckland or Raven Silverweird have any sort of merit? They are all people who had a concept, ran with it, poured enough energy into it that it became. That's what the basis of Magic is anyway isn't it? Taking a concept and making it real? I thought that's what the point was.

This got me to thinking about other books and stories that have helped to mold me into who I am now. Richard Bach... he's not a high holy man nor does he have a more direct link to Divinity than any of the rest of us.. yet some of his concepts have touched me far more profoundly than say the Holy Bible. Dan Brown, he's just some guy who came up with an idea that just happens to challenge all that we have been taught about religion as a whole. Again, they are just stories.. pure fiction.. there is probably no such thing as a Seagull who has conscious thought other than food, sex, food, poop, sex, food; and yet, Johnathon Livingston Seagull touched a generation of readers in ways that could never have been forseen. I doubt that there is a walking on water, no gas using biplane pilot out cruising fields and teaching divine IS ism either... if there is, I've never met him. But again.. the story of Donald the Pilot Messiah (Illusions) touched many of us in ways that were probably never intended. Dan Brown's theories may have some basis in reality, or maybe not... but the point is he questioned the accepted truths and opened an avenue for imagination.

Where the Wild Things Are is based in a child's imagination.. and it led many of us to imagine our own strange universes filled with characters that belong only to us. The Three Little Pigs taught us that it's probably not a good idea to build a house with sticks or straw, when with a bit more work and a firm foundation we can be safer from the Big Bad Wolf. The Little Red Hen taught us the merits of being helpful.. that if you help, you might get a bit of the profit of the endeavor. The Emporer's New Clothes taught us that vanity is not very useful nor will it keep us warm when a cold wind blows.

Hmmm then I think that Goldilocks and Hansel and Gretel taught us that breaking and entering is ok.. except that they got their just rewards for breaking in and taking others' things. (Though H and G committed homicide) Anyway, I digress...

Humanity has a need to quantify and lable things. That's how we deal with the world at large. The stories we tell, and have told for as long as we can remember, those stories helped to teach us of simple concepts and ideas. They have been used as warnings not to do things that might get you hurt, and reminders that good deeds usually are rewarded.

None of the stories I have listed have basis in reality or truth except in how they help us to mold our reality and truths. So never try to tell me that fiction has no merit in learning. Sometimes fiction can open your eyes to reality far better than biographies or historical texts... and it's usually more fun to read as well.