Sticks and Stones WWJu Do?

For the last several weeks, I have been in a situation with a person who is dealing what I am seeing as emotional bondage/hostage situations with her partner. Said partner has huge issues related to being an adult VICTIM of child abuse. He is not yet a survivor as he's not faced his issues.

Dude has the most amazing lack of control over his rage. No, he doesn't hit.. but he does hit below the proverbial belt. But, boy oh boy, confront him with your perceptions of his behaviors and watch the fury fly. four times he called me screaming and I told him I would not talk with him while he was screaming and talking over me.. and then hung up.. the fifth call he started out talking for about ten seconds... then of course.. the rage took over. I just let him rant and rave about how stupid I was and how I was putting my emotional issues on him blah blah blah.. you are soooo wrong and soooo stupid .. etc. But with much more volume and hatred. Ok.. whatever floats your boat.. you just confirmed my assumptions of you though.

Over the last few months he's told her that "He can't stand to look at her." "it's her depression that's pushing him away" "she's a lousy mother' "I'm going to kill myself' 'I don't need therapy cuz I can out psychology any psychologist' ... and others. Then he puts the blame for one of his rages on someone else.. it's all just psychodrama.

What's your point then Sam? Why do people choose to stay and endure this behavior. I can freely admit that I was one of them for 8 long miserable years... except mine got physically violent and my life was threatened not once but several times.. if I said no, then I got non-violently raped anyway. Not just physically but emotionally.

Bruises fade and pain goes away.. but the emotional scars.. wow.. those can be doped up and painted over, but they are never really gone. So why do people choose to stay in these sorts of situtations?

Usually, the first excuse is that they believe that they are in some way responsible for this person's behavior. They had it coming.. they did something that hurt the other person and he/she is reacting rationally. (so NOT) Many have victim complexes to start with because they suffered being abused as children in one form or another. Some have social or financial issues that they have to consider .. they have no support network because the abuser has pushed everyone so far away, they may not have income or means to support themselves. They don't know about social programs in the community.. (though I can tell you that sometimes those do more harm than good) But mostly they excuse the abuser's behavior by figuring out how it was that they deserved what they got. It was all their fault.

Friends of the victim can try to help, but let me tell you that it usually backfires and you lose a friend. It becomes your fault for pushing them to be stronger. That's just a sad fact of the situation. Don't let that stop you, however, from making the attempt. Maybe, just maybe, what you have said will open their eyes just a touch and they will slowly realize that they really are perpetuating the behavior by making excuses. Sadly, not always.

I don't have any real resolution to this issue.. just what I have learned in a lifetime of dealing with abuse and abusive situations.

One thing I would like to pass on to everyone.. the word passion is overused and misused. Passion means to feel strongly about a thing, situation or belief. Passion is not rage. Rage is a whole other animal.

So, what would you do?

History In the Making

Last night, the world saw a young man make Olympic history. A moment that will long be remembered.

For me though, it wasn't just the feat of strength, endurance and speed that make Michael Phelps a true champion. It's not just that he won every race he entered. Not the 7 world records and 1 Olympic record that he redefined. It's not the media hype he has received. For me, it was that moment when, having become the first Olympic athlete to win 8 gold medals in one Olympics and having won more gold medals in his Olympic career, being questioned on how he did it all, Michael said, "Without these guys (indicating his teammates) it would not have happened."

That one defining moment when he showed the world that not all American athletes are self-absorbed assholes.

Dara Tores, a 41 year old Olympic swimmer, also from the good ol' US of A, made sure that a race was stopped to wait for one of her competitors to change out of a torn swimsuit. That's right, she made sure one of her competitors got her Olympic moment.

Sure, there were other medalists, other great moments in Olympic history... American and otherwise, which were probably amazing for one reason or another. But, in my opinion, these two "ugly americans' are two of the greatest athletes in the 2008 Summer Olympics, so far. Perhaps 2 of the greatest of all time. Why? Not just because they swam their little hearts out, but because they personified what the Olympics should be about, sportsmanship.

Fields of Diamonds

I'm not overly fond of Diamonds.. but I like the analogy. You are standing, right now, in your field of diamonds.. yeah not the exact quote.. but close enuff for gubmint work.

It's been a long damned month hasn't it? Hot, smoky, miserable.. having relapses of some of my infections.. yippee... having discourse with a DA's office that thinks I should pay for the privelege of not being able to see my children out of fear of their paternal. I kinda got dragged down a bit.

Still haven't photo'd and got the paintings up for sale yet.. sigh.. no time for procrastination like the present.. unless it's tomorrow.

But I should be counting my blessings instead of bitching about all the crap that's been floating down around me.

I got to go to a gathering of Faeries just recently.. Faerieworlds. Wow.. just wow overload.

I've never seen a crowd of people like this in my life. I've seen a lot of crowds that were rowdy and out of control... this one was rowdy and totally cool. Not one single fight in .. hmm what was it.. 11 hours? I ended up sitting in the shade for most of the day just watching people go by cuz I'm not feeling 100% yet.. Ok I'm not even feeling 75% right now. Anyway.. it was amazing.

I'm already making plans for next years event. I wish the real world worked that smoothly together. I really do. Bigguns, liluns, tall, short, old, young all of em dancing and carrying on together and, from what I could see, all having a great time!
http://s49.photobucket.com/albums/f271/charmzpix/Faerieworlds%202008/
Rather than try to post a bunch of pictures.. I'm just gonna link you up..